Using Food As A Way To Connect

Written From The Heart

by Lynda Heaslip

When someone you love is living with dementia, connection can start to feel fragile. Conversations may stall. Memories may slip away. But connection does not disappear—it simply changes. One of the most reliable, comforting ways to stay connected at every stage of dementia is through food.

Food does not ask questions.

Food does not require remembering.

Food invites shared moments—just as they are.

A Few Friendly Tips

Release Any Expectations:

Let Go of Remembering—Focus on Enjoying

A common instinct is to hope food will “bring back” memories. Sometimes it does—but often it doesn’t. And that’s okay.

The Goal Is Not: Correction, Testing, Or Pressure-

“Do you remember this?”

“Who used to make this?”

“You loved this as a child, don’t you remember?”

The Goal Is:

“Does this help your loved one feel good right now?”

“Are they enjoying this moment?”

*If your loved one believes it’s morning at 6pm, let breakfast foods be dinner. If they think the same pudding is “new” every time, let it be new. Living in their reality eases agitation and allows connection.

Why Childhood Foods Matter

Dementia affects recent memories and logic first, while memories from childhood and early adulthood (under age 30) are stored more deeply in the emotional part of the brain.

Foods And Emotion

Food feels familiar even if it can’t be named....I mean, who doesn't connect certain foods to a specific person or time?

Create comfort without explanation:

Trigger emotional safety rather than recall. Your loved one may not understand why they like the food they're eating—but their body and brain remember the feeling associated with that food.

Practical Meal & Snack Ideas by Stage:

Early Stages: Familiar and Flexible

At this stage, your loved one may still enjoy choices and participation.

Ideas

Classic breakfasts: toast with butter or jam, eggs, oatmeal.

Simple lunches: grilled cheese, soup and crackers.

Childhood treats: pudding cups, custard, rice pudding.

Ice cream after dinner—no special occasion needed.

Tips

Offer two choices, not many.

Cook with them if it feels calming.

Focus on enjoyment, not necessarily 100% nutrition* and perfection.

disclaimer* always factor in dietary restrictions

Middle Stages: Comfort & Sensory Foods:

As dementia progresses, texture, smell, and taste matter more than presentation or conversation.

Ideas:

Finger foods: cut sandwiches, soft cookies, cheese cubes.

Warm comfort foods: mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese.

Desserts: ice cream, gelatin, pudding, soft cake.

Familiar childhood snacks: crackers with peanut butter, canned fruit.

Tips

Serve foods one at a time to reduce the chance of your loved one feeling overwhelmed.

Eat together—mirroring can help.

Don’t rush; quiet presence is powerful. **Talking is not necessary and can cause agitation

Later Stages: Safety, Sweetness & Presence:

Eating may become difficult, but the need for connection does not disappear.

Ideas (as appropriate and safe)

Smooth textures: yogurt, custard, applesauce

Melt-in-the-mouth foods: ice cream, pudding, soft whipped desserts.

Flavored drinks: milkshakes, nutritional drinks, warm sweet tea.

**thickened fluids may be necessary at this stage

Tips

Follow swallowing guidelines if in place

Small amounts are okay

Even tasting or smelling food can be comforting.

**Sometimes the connection is holding the cup together or sitting quietly while food is offered.

Why People With Dementia Often Crave Sweets

Many families worry when their loved one suddenly wants sweets more than anything else. This is very common in dementia—and there are real neurological reasons for it.

The Brain & Dopamine

In dementia, dopamine pathways are often impaired but sugar provides a quick release of this “feel-good” chemical (dopamine helps create feelings of pleasure, comfort, and motivation).

Sweets offer:

Immediate pleasure

Easy enjoyment when complex thinking is hard

A brief sense of emotional well-being

That’s why ice cream, pudding, and sweet drinks often bring visible calm or joy—even when other foods are refused.

Taste Changes in Dementia:

Dull taste perception.

Sensitivity to bitter, bland or salty flavors make sweet flavors easier to detect and enjoy.

**This isn’t “bad behavior” or lack of discipline—it’s the brain adapting.

Balancing Sweets With Care

Dietary restrictions (diabetes, allergies, swallowing concerns) should always be respected—but that doesn’t mean joy must disappear.

Gentle balance ideas

Smaller portions of favorite sweets

Pairing sweets with protein when possible

Offering naturally sweet foods like yogurt or fruit purée

Letting treats be treats, not rewards.

Keep in mind, quality of life matters for someone living with dementia.

The Most Important Ingredient: Presence

In Dementia, food is not all bout perfect nutrition. It is not about memory. It is not about doing things “right.” It is about sharing the moment you are in together.

A spoonful of pudding. A shared ice cream cone. A warm drink on a quiet afternoon-

that's love and

connection, offered in a way the brain can still receive.

And that—more than anything—is nourishment.